Why expectations make life better: 5 ways to deal with expectations

I no longer have expectations of life or those around me.

How often do I hear this sentence and if I'm honest, I used it myself some time ago as an answer to the question of how I deal with disappointments. It sounds pretty depressing, don't you think? Because what is life if we have no expectations of it? Expectations can be fragments of big dreams and goals. They stand for hope and love of life. Much more: They can lead us to our true life dreams. Saying that you have no expectations in life already implies a certain fear of disappointment. But why do we attach expectations to disappointments at all?

In this article, I'll tell you a secret that shouldn't be a secret: These two words don't have to be related. I'll explain how and why with the help of a little story:

From the banal to the fatal

Marie is excited like a little school child. It's her birthday soon and she's looking forward to it this year. She remembers stopping at a travel agency's window with her boyfriend Daniel a few weeks ago because they saw a great offer for a romantic spa weekend. "Look honey, isn't that nice?" She tried to draw Daniel's attention at the time, who immediately agreed. Marie is therefore certain that Daniel must have planned a special present for her birthday, after all he knows from her happy reaction in the shop window how enthusiastic she would be about a wellness weekend. When the day finally came, she happily opened her birthday presents. Saving the best for last, she saves Daniel's gift for last. When it is his turn to present and she expectantly removes the wrapping paper from it, she sees a self-made voucher for a weekend in a tent on Lake Constance.

Bye, bye rose petals bath and cozy bathrobe, hello shattered dreams. Marie tries to hide her disappointment as best she can, but a worse gift than camping would have been a pack of colorful socks for her. However, she is not only disappointed by the gift, no, she is disappointed by her boyfriend. Shouldn't he know her? Weren't your signs on the shop window clear enough? Did she have too high expectations of her boyfriend? At this point, two interesting aspects that can lead to false expectations come into play: the lack of communication and pure guesswork. We don't live in a world where we need to communicate through smoke signals. We can clearly communicate our desires to other people. But instead of formulating our wishes, we expect the other person to “need to know” us. But who can read minds? Right, nobody.

While Marie assumed in our example, based on assumptions, that Daniel should now know exactly what she really wants, Daniel interpreted her reaction at the shop window in a completely different way. He remembered Maria once saying that she liked being in nature. For Daniel, Marie's behavior was clear proof that she would like to have more togetherness in nature again, after all, a picturesque lake was also shown on the poster in the shop window. For this reason, he thought of a gift that she would be happy about, but which would also be more surprising than the offer in the window. This example clearly shows that both Marie and Daniel only had ideas about the feelings of the other. Both only had fragments of past conversations and "signs" that they used as a basis for their expectations and actions. Nobody wanted to offend or hurt the other intentionally or intentionally, but it shows how avoidable tensions can arise from banal everyday situations.

Not just any expectation led to Marie's disappointment, but the wrong expectation that arose from poor communication. Expectations are always interpretations of certain situations. They are ideas of how something could be. However, ideas initially have little to do with reality and yet they can become the ticket to the realization of many dreams if we know how to deal with them. Here are 5 ways how to do it:

5 ways to deal with expectations: 5 steps to happiness

1. Bye bye disappointments

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First of all, a distinction should be made between expectations that we can help to fulfill ourselves and expectations that are mainly dependent on external factors. So before you expect anything, you should be aware that there is an area of ​​action that you can do something to help meet those expectations, but there are also areas that your actions cannot influence. If you are aware of this, you can no longer be disappointed. Why? Because you yourself have done your best for your expectations! The rest is out of your hands. This is where trust comes in: trust in other people and trust in life. Sometimes life just doesn't play out like we expected, but you know what? That's good! Because every new junction is a clue.

Do not see an obstacle as a disappointment, but as a signpost and keep returning to your actual expectation and ask yourself: Why am I expecting this? Does this expectation even correspond to my inner truth or is my ego playing tricks on me again? Instead of dismissing unfulfilled expectations as disappointments, accept them as life's best teachers. They show our sensitive spots, they draw our attention to internal construction sites. Fulfilled expectations, on the other hand, are the icing on the cake for the fullness of life. They are like the icing on your life, which is already perfect without icing. Real fulfilled expectations come from the feeling of abundance and not lack.

While unfulfilled expectations often arise from a sense of lack and fear. So you see, it's not the expectations themselves that cause disappointment, but how we deal with them and how we value not meeting them. Disappointment is human and part of life. However, the decisive factor for personal happiness is whether we accept it and still live on with hope, or whether we allow disappointment more space than it really needs and thus only hinder ourselves.

2. How to meet expectations within your own scope of action

Quite simply: by doing your best! First formulate for yourself (in the form of a diary entry or a letter) your expectations of yourself, of life and of other people, but also question the reasons for your expectations. Is it really your own expectations or the expectations of society? Never seek happiness outside!

3. How to distinguish productive expectations from false expectations

Every now and then it pays to look beyond expectations. Are your expectations current? Is it your own expectations? Do they align with your personal values, or do you have these expectations because they're trendy? As you keep going back to the roots of your expectations, you'll find that some expectations are unnecessary, but some make you happy. You can get to know your own needs better this way and let go of false expectations.

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4. Communicate and translate your feelings

Nothing is more important than the right communication. This includes not only communication with other people, but also constant communication with yourself. We humans experience so many emotions that affect our lives consciously and subconsciously. Sooner or later, emotions make themselves felt verbally. But instead of just letting them flow uncontrollably and possibly saying things that aren't meant to be, it's helpful to become aware of your own emotions. Why do we feel the way we feel right now? Every emotion has a cause. This cause can help to formulate emotions and the resulting expectations precisely and carefully before they can possibly take on destructive forms. The translation of one's feelings is the key to proper communication.

5. Stop Waiting! Visualize your expectations

Do you have high expectations of life? Wonderful! Great expectations in life are the first step to success. However, many just take that one step and then wait for something great to happen. Have you noticed what other word is in “expect”? I'll tell you something now: Great things don't happen while you wait, you create great things yourself! You can meet your expectations and make your true dreams a reality. But it takes a lot of courage, work, patience and diligence. Fulfilled expectations mean a lot of responsibility and work, but also the flexibility to see that certain expectations have long been outdated or are no longer good for you. Replace them with new expectations that better suit you and your life.

Fairy tales don't happen overnight, they are written and lived, with sweat, blood and sometimes tears. The others then see an unbelievable, impressive "fairy tale" but not all the sweaty, passionate work behind it. So try to visualize your expectations. What would they look like in action? Are you ready to take the next and the next and many more next steps? If you still want to go further, then it's not just more expectations, it's your lifelong dreams.